yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
