my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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