My sheets look like a crime scene.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
