I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
