If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
