Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
