Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
