somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was born a porn star she said
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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