I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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