well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
