Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
