Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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