so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
