what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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