i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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