I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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