Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
