Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
