he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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