I am in a vortex of obligation.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
