I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have post one night stand depression
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