Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
