dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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