There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
