her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
