He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
