I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
