hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize