Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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