I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
