32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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