She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
