dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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