somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
