her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
