I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
