I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
