Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
