you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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