thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
