...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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