I faked an abortion last night.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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