the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
last night I used snow as a chaser
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