She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
