Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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