i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
