yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
