nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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