I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
