I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
