my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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