both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
