drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
