On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
