I wish I could punch you in the face.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
