Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
