I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
