false alarm. still invincible.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
