If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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