Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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