he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
