I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
