Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
