No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
