You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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