I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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