would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
