The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
