I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
