somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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