my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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