He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
