My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
