Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
