Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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