i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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