I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
